Sometimes things come up in life that seem to push the work you’re doing on your marriage back a little. That is what October has done for me.
It was a long and exhausting month. We had a death in the family. I had surgery. That along with work, children and family commitments has put a slight damper on the connection I feel with my husband. Nothing too major, but enough to start to bug me.
Here is what I know; the less sex I have the less sex I desire and in turn the opposite is true. This has been a month on the lesser side. It is understandable why it has been hard to find moments of intimacy, but the truth is, the longer I go without sex, the harder it is for me to build up the desire. It seems to get easier to just let another night slide by without connecting, than working up the energy to try to find the desire. Maybe I am the only one that goes through this. I am not sure. But, nonetheless, it is the truth.
Here is what I also know; I cannot let this continue. It must be nipped in the bud now.
Every couple goes through hard times. Death, loss of a job, moving, birth of a child, illness, etc… All these things take their toll.
For me, it is key that the moment that we start to feel disconnected, we have to take steps to get the connection back. I have learned, in the past, that if I let these slumps go by for too long it gets harder and harder to find my way back.
Step one was making sure we had date night last night. I have to admit that it wasn’t the perfect date night. We both had good intentions (candlelight and soft music) but things were slightly off, if you know what I mean. Nevertheless, what is most important, to me, is that the effort is there. As long as we are both working towards getting back on track, I know that we will get there.
Step two is making effort to connect throughout the day. If I get an impulse to kiss or hug my husband I do it. A long kiss in the kitchen. Sneaking into his office for a hug. Little things like that really add up. Something as simple as sending a text that says “I am thinking of you” makes me feel closer to my husband.
Step three will be to have sex as often as possible. Even if I am not really in the mood. For me, the more sex I have, the more desire I have and in turn the more connected I feel. It does my relationship absolutely no good if I continue to put off opportunities to be together. There is nothing more healing than a couple of really great “rolls in the hay” (ok, we don’t really have hay, but you know what I mean)
Marriage is work. It takes effort and energy to make sure that you reconnect. If you think about a couple that you admire and aspire to be like, I guarantee they have put in blood, sweat and tears to make that marriage work (ok, maybe not the blood, but you get the idea.)
Today’s lesson to a better marriage: Make sure you give the time and energy needed to reconnect.
What challenges have you had this past month?
I like the part that ‘Marriage is Work.’ Your husband is a lucky man. 🙂
Thank you. I like to think he is lucky 🙂 Appreciate you taking the time to read my blog.
Sorry to hear you’ve had a rough month. Here’s hoping November is a lot better!
I can relate to pretty much everything you’ve said. Ever since I started school last year, it seems to be more challenging to stay connected- I no longer have a job that I can leave at the office. Instead there are nights we are both home, yet I have to spent the time reading and studying. I try to schedule my time so I get most of that out of the way when my husband isn’t home, but sometimes it can’t be avoided. You are so right about making efforts throughout the day- we just rediscovered the importance of that recently!
I think one of the biggest challenges that I still struggle with is finding the balance between making a conscious effort and not putting too much emphasis on it to the point where if it doesn’t work out, it feels like a disappointment. Like you, I seem to be more into sex if it happens more frequently. But I have also found that if I really try to push myself when I’m not feeling it, I get frustrated and feel resentful. So it’s hard learning to recognize the nights where it’s worthwhile to give myself some time to warm up, and the nights when it’s okay to pass.
I continue to feel reassured and inspired by your blog. Thanks again for sharing!
Thank you so much for your honesty and insight. I think for me, my attempt to be together as often as possible, is just a way to get back in the swing of things if it has been too long. I don’t think that is necessarily sustainable. Every couple has to find that balance that works for them. Sometimes, quality is better than quantity. I think one really great night, when you both feel satisfied and connected can go a long way. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts!
Very true. Sometimes, after a longish period of sexlessness and too tired evenings, when my husband convinces me to just participate for a little while, I look at him and think – WHY do I protest to this? It is good, it is healthy, and I love it. You are not alone!
Sounds so familiar. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone 🙂 Good to know that others go thru the same thing. I appreciate you taking the time to comment!
Great post! Sometimes the best therapy is just acting like a kid again.
Thank you for your comment. It is true what they say, “laughter is the best medicine.” Really enjoyed reading your blog as well. Hope you will post more. We could all use some inspiration in the area of fitness.